Can your teen wait? Teens who can’t wait for clothes will steal. Teens who can’t wait for things will sell drugs. Teens who can’t wait for justice will fight. Teens who can’t wait for “the right one” will have sex with many.
Adults live in a world of delayed gratification. Our paychecks come days or even weeks after we’ve done the work. We put in many hours practicing musical instruments or driving golf balls to improve our performance.

Investments of time and effort come much harder to young children, many of whom appear to live by the motto, “I want it and I want it now!” Given the choice between eating one jellybean immediately and getting two jellybeans ten minutes later, many young children find they just can’t wait.

The ability to wait for rewards becomes increasingly important as children grow older. School is filled with delays of gratification. To be successful and graduate, many children must learn to forgo time on the baseball field in favor of studying multiplication tables. To get along with friends, they must learn to wait their turn at games and to share their toys.

Psychologists have found that some children, especially boys, who have a lot of trouble waiting are likely to have difficulties in other areas later on. Boys who are impatient tend to be disruptive at home, disliked by their peers and poor at solving interpersonal problems.

There have been some very interesting laboratory experiments, many conducted by Dr. Walter Mischel at Columbia University, to measure the delay of gratification among young children. A typical experiment involves bringing a child into a room that contains, among other things, a bell. After the child and the experimenter spend some time together, the child is shown a pair of treats or small toys, one of which the child perceives as much better than the other.

This experiment and others have found that those young children who are able to delay gratification the longest tended to approach the situation differently than those who rang the bell early and settled for the lesser reward. The children who waited usually distracted themselves by thinking about things other than the treats. Typically, they found something to play with while they were alone in the room.

Those who rang the bell early tended to focus their thoughts during the waiting period on the reward. In other words, it’s easier for a child to wait for a cookie if he plays with a toy than if he simply stares at the cookie jar and thinks about how good the treat will taste.

Those children who came up with strategies to delay gratification in Dr. Mischel’s studies had some surprising and long-term advantages over those who rang the bell soon after they were left alone. Ten years or more after they were tested, the children who could distract themselves were found to have done better academically and appeared to handle frustration better than their peers.

Paren-T-een Tip of the Week:

Some teens can’t wait to be like you. Some teens can’t wait, just like you!
Carlos Johnson is founder of the I.M.A.G.E. Personal Success Training Institute and family director at Evangel Ministries. He conducts Power Paren-T-een seminars for parents and “Helping YOU-th Succeed” workshops for youth. He may be contacted at www.imageofsuccess.com or 1-(888) IMAGE-24.