It has been said, “Manhood is the suburb right outside of Boysville, and in order to move into manhood one can no longer look, think or act like a boy.” Others have said, “Manhood is the butterfly from boyhood.”

The older men in the barbershop used to say “Boy, your maleness is inherited, but manhood is merited.” As I got older I understood what that meant. It meant that I was male by default. And my maleness had nothing to do with my wisdom, my deeds or choice. However, the title of “man” had to be learned and earned.

Oftentimes at my Power Paren-T-een parent workshops I joke by saying “My wife and I will know when my son has matured into manhood when his driver’s license has a different address on it than ours.” Although that comment fills the room with laughter, there are many parents in the audience who are praying for that day to come. However, even though that achievement is a major signal of independence and responsibility, a new address alone does not say “manhood.”

If I were to ask the question to a group of men you’ll hear many different answers depending upon environment and upbringing. Some may say he is a man when he has reached a certain age, some may say when he has moved out from under Mom’s roof and has his own car and apartment, and some believe that making a certain amount of money is attaining manhood. None of these things alone give our boys their address in the city of Manhood.

According to “street code,” the definition of a man is based on amoral values of street life. Gaming, hustling, girl hunting, loud talking, liquor drinking, tricking, lying, stealing, disobedience to authority and fighting. Finally, one must go to jail, survive and return back to the streets with a list of prison “who’s who” contacts and stories to tell. If one were to believe everything he or she sees in the media, “men” as defined in hip-hop culture are grimacing, oversized, monosyllabic cartoons, instead of the complex individuals “men” actually are. The main problem with most of these definitions, as most social scientist would agree, is that they are too one dimensional to describe such a complex process.

Lets agree that there is a manhood. Let’s agree that there exist a distinction between being male and becoming a man. Being male only qualifies one for the class; it does not guarantee that one will graduate into manhood. If we can at least agree to these two basic facts then the “What a man is, how he acts, and when does he become a man?” conversation can begin.

Power Paren-Teen Tips of the Week:

1 Corinthians 13:11 let’s us know that not only is there a state of manhood but, most importantly, there is a distinction between a male child and “becoming a man.” Here Paul the apostle is talking about love and in verse 10 says, “When the perfect comes the imperfect will go away.” But its almost as if someone said, “Paul, how do you know you are a man?” Paul says, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Carlos Johnson is the founder of the I.M.A.G.E. Personal Success Training Institute and the family director at Evangel Ministries. He conducts Power Paren-T-een seminars for parents and Helping YOU-th Succeed workshops for youth. He may be contacted at www.imageofsuccess.com or by calling 1-(888) IMAGE-24.