Single Love
http://www.michronicleonline.com/articlelive/articles/2343/1/Single-Love/Page1.html
Angela Ardis
By Angela Ardis
Published on 02/6/2008
As a single person, the countdown to Valentine’s Day tends to be a bit stressful. Society has this perpetual stigma attached to the holiday that makes one feel as if they aren’t deserving of celebration because they’re not “partnered up.” Furthermore, singles everywhere tend to feel ashamed when asked, “So what did you get? Or what did you do for Valentine’s Day?”
As a single person, the countdown to Valentine’s Day tends to be a bit stressful. Society has this perpetual stigma attached to the holiday that makes one feel as if they aren’t deserving of celebration because they’re not “partnered up.” Furthermore, singles everywhere tend to feel ashamed when asked, “So what did you get? Or what did you do for Valentine’s Day?”
It’s as if, in response to these questions, one feels like less of a person because they don’t have a significant someone in their life. It’s ridiculous how easily the world is swayed by the media.
Why must being single be viewed as a failure, non-accomplishment, and attack on one’s own personality (hence, “something must be wrong with you”) or a torturous stigma that plagues many well into adulthood?
From birth, we are told stories through books, television and conversation whichimply that finding that “one and only soul mate” will be your forever journey through this life. He or she is out there somewhere and with every step, we are all one step closer to finding this person.
This magical person is supposed to “complete you,” be “your better half,” “your yen and he/she your yang,” “understand you like no other” and will “undyingly love you forever.” Fairytale? Maybe. Reality? Possible. Probability? Depends.
Everywhere you look, being single has always been about finding someone else. It is this undeniable search for standards that constantly changes, needs that alter from one month to the next, values that are broken, twisted and justified time and time again within one’s self and someone else. How can there be such a huge push for coupling when people have never been challenged and encouraged to learn themselves?
Most of the time we make finding ourselves and discovering our likes and dislikes, growing and stabilizing our person something that happens within each relationship that enters and exits our lives. We can’t and don’t give ourselves enough credit for figuring things out about ourselves from reflecting inside. Granted each experience warrants self-analysis.
However, many times we know exactly what we don’t want in relationships but venture into them anyway trying to change the other person to meet our vision. It is our life’s work to feel love, give love and find love.
Where do you start? The only place to start is within you. I believe if more people took the time to love themselves, accept their flaws, imperfections and limitations, be their own cheerleader and biggest fan, find comfort in spending time alone with themselves, date themselves for a while before throwing their issues on another human, put all of their puzzle pieces together so that there is a real understanding of themselves, people as a whole would be in a happier space. I believe that Hallmark would make cards for single people that didn’t make them feel like they have to hurry up and find someone with which to share their lives before they die or they have failed at life’s journey. If you never find someone who feels good to you in most ways, you haven’t failed; you just simply chose not to settle.
There is a great book called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron, one of the best books I’ve ever read. Self discovery is imperative to life, love and the pursuit of happiness. This book explores it all and you will be a willful participant in the exercises within.
Valentine’s Day is a loving holiday and as long as you love yourself, you have every reason to feel good about celebrating it and yelling from the roof tops how much you do. You will find that loving yourself, enjoying yourself and maintaining a happy space around yourself, is better than settling for another person in your life for the sake of having one. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about couples but rather “love” and all that it encompasses.
Always remember two halves don’t make a whole relationship because the two halves aren’t parallel entities that will fit perfectly. However, two whole people have the making of a great relationship.
Complete yourself, then, if you choose, venture out and see how many other whole persons exist. You might be surprised.
Angela Ardis is the author of “Inside a Thug’s Heart,” “My Mind’s Poetry” and the upcoming “The Block.” To contact her visit www.AngelaArdis.com or send emails to: info@AngelaArdis.com.
As a single person, the countdown to Valentine’s Day tends to be a bit stressful. Society has this perpetual stigma attached to the holiday that makes one feel as if they aren’t deserving of celebration because they’re not “partnered up.” Furthermore, singles everywhere tend to feel ashamed when asked, “So what did you get? Or what did you do for Valentine’s Day?” Valentine’s Day
As a single person, the countdown to Valentine’s Day tends to be a bit stressful. Society has this perpetual stigma attached to the holiday that makes one feel as if they aren’t deserving of celebration because they’re not “partnered up.” Furthermore, singles everywhere tend to feel ashamed when asked, “So what did you get? Or what did you do for Valentine’s Day?”
It’s as if, in response to these questions, one feels like less of a person because they don’t have a significant someone in their life. It’s ridiculous how easily the world is swayed by the media.
Why must being single be viewed as a failure, non-accomplishment, and attack on one’s own personality (hence, “something must be wrong with you”) or a torturous stigma that plagues many well into adulthood?
From birth, we are told stories through books, television and conversation whichimply that finding that “one and only soul mate” will be your forever journey through this life. He or she is out there somewhere and with every step, we are all one step closer to finding this person.
This magical person is supposed to “complete you,” be “your better half,” “your yen and he/she your yang,” “understand you like no other” and will “undyingly love you forever.” Fairytale? Maybe. Reality? Possible. Probability? Depends.
Everywhere you look, being single has always been about finding someone else. It is this undeniable search for standards that constantly changes, needs that alter from one month to the next, values that are broken, twisted and justified time and time again within one’s self and someone else. How can there be such a huge push for coupling when people have never been challenged and encouraged to learn themselves?
Most of the time we make finding ourselves and discovering our likes and dislikes, growing and stabilizing our person something that happens within each relationship that enters and exits our lives. We can’t and don’t give ourselves enough credit for figuring things out about ourselves from reflecting inside. Granted each experience warrants self-analysis.
However, many times we know exactly what we don’t want in relationships but venture into them anyway trying to change the other person to meet our vision. It is our life’s work to feel love, give love and find love.
Where do you start? The only place to start is within you. I believe if more people took the time to love themselves, accept their flaws, imperfections and limitations, be their own cheerleader and biggest fan, find comfort in spending time alone with themselves, date themselves for a while before throwing their issues on another human, put all of their puzzle pieces together so that there is a real understanding of themselves, people as a whole would be in a happier space. I believe that Hallmark would make cards for single people that didn’t make them feel like they have to hurry up and find someone with which to share their lives before they die or they have failed at life’s journey. If you never find someone who feels good to you in most ways, you haven’t failed; you just simply chose not to settle.
There is a great book called “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron, one of the best books I’ve ever read. Self discovery is imperative to life, love and the pursuit of happiness. This book explores it all and you will be a willful participant in the exercises within.
Valentine’s Day is a loving holiday and as long as you love yourself, you have every reason to feel good about celebrating it and yelling from the roof tops how much you do. You will find that loving yourself, enjoying yourself and maintaining a happy space around yourself, is better than settling for another person in your life for the sake of having one. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about couples but rather “love” and all that it encompasses.
Always remember two halves don’t make a whole relationship because the two halves aren’t parallel entities that will fit perfectly. However, two whole people have the making of a great relationship.
Complete yourself, then, if you choose, venture out and see how many other whole persons exist. You might be surprised.
Angela Ardis is the author of “Inside a Thug’s Heart,” “My Mind’s Poetry” and the upcoming “The Block.” To contact her visit www.AngelaArdis.com or send emails to: info@AngelaArdis.com.