| When Sex Hurts |
| By Tiffany D. Tilley |
Published
06/4/2008
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FrontPAGE - IntermXx
| Unrated |
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Interviewee, author and speaker
Tiffany D. Tilley
Sex is a natural and important part of any healthy romantic relationship. Intimacy helps solidify the bond between two mature partners. It can be a very erotic and passionate experience leading to a greater uninhibited connection. Men and women alike use sexual pleasure to convey intense love, affection, devotion and desire for their partner.
As wonderful as a loving union can be in the physical realm, for many women this connection is not possible. Due to traumatic experiences, many partners cannot give of themselves intimately, regardless of how strongly they desire. Statistics show that by the age of 18, one out of three girls experience sexual abuse.
For a lot of women, their view of intimacy has become distorted and entangled with venomous attributes. Sex is no longer a vehicle of pleasure, but a rollercoaster of emotions that cause a hurtful experience.
Many women use this reason to disconnect from sex and may find themselves on opposite ends of the spectrum. One is labeled as loose and the other is labeled as rigid. Warning signs of a woman sexually violated can be obvious when a man knows what to look for. Sexual abuse victim and author Stephanie Jones says, “Sexually abused women often have very low self-esteem and difficulty trusting men. Oftentimes they’re possessive and may show irrational behavior because they’re afraid of having their feelings hurt.” It is common for men to mistake the signs, Jones explains. “They tend to think it’s their ability to attract women by something they’ve done or said or something they have, such as money or a car. They don’t realize that many women are hurting, vulnerable, and looking for love, and he just so happens to come along at that time in her life.”
Normal healthy relationships are possible for sexual abuse victims once they have dealt with the trauma and learned coping methods. “First of all, I advise single and dating women to not run out and tell every man they meet that they’ve been sexually abused – that’s a no-no,” Jones says. “I give women in a relationship and married women the same advice as I give to women who are single. They must address the issue, pray about it, talk to someone, forgive the person who offended them and trust and believe that God can heal their pain.”
Husbands and boyfriends should not feel completely helpless. Although they cannot heal their partner, unquestionably needed is his support and compassion.Jones says, “He definitely should pray for her and allow her to speak freely about what happened. It helps her to release the pain. If something makes her feel uncomfortable, especially something he’s asking her to do sexually, then don’t pressure her to do it. A certain type of touch, the scent of a piece of candy, a song, a toy, anything can trigger flashbacks of the past.”
Stephanie L. Jones, author of “The Enemy Between My Legs,” is a highly sought-after speaker. For additional information visit www.mannaentertainmentgroup.com.
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