Four of the most time-consuming traveling experiences are enduring airport security lines, delayed flights and baggage check and claim. And while of three of these tasks are necessary, all of them can create unwanted stress, especially baggage claim and check.

And so it is with relationships. Often times, good relationships falter because people have not “checked” in their previous baggage or they continue to live in the past and “claim” and relive old events. Relationships are difficult enough without all the extras, which is why it is imperative to be free of baggage.

Baggage can be described as a number of things, including unhealed wounds from the past or feelings of abandonment as a child. Baggage can even be the subliminal desire of placing unrealistic expectations on another person when, in actuality, what is being desired can only come from within.
Past hurts and wounds, though they may be ever present in our psyches, must stay in the past if we are to move forward and begin a loving relationship. We cannot hold others accountable for what others did or did not do to us. I’ve heard that insanity is repeating the same cycle and expecting a different result.

Let’s face it. Men and women think differently. A woman can remember something a man did to her 20 years ago, while a man can forget about it and move on. All of this goes back to how we were designed. That is not to say men do not have baggage. Quite the contrary. But as a woman, I can speak on this. Thousands of us have uttered the famous post-heartbreak phrase “I’m never going to love again,” only to find ourselves right back in the same debilitating situation. This happens because we did not learn the lesson or we did not check our baggage.

We must also look at how we carry on in our relationships. Many of us are so wounded and crippled until we walk around as if we’re in the airport standing aimlessly around the conveyor belt just waiting to pick stuff up. In other words, we are waiting for something to go wrong because this is usually what ends up happening or what has happened in the past.

In order for the past to be the past we must learn from it. Not to rehearse it, but rather to not repeat it. We must forgive the other person and ourselves. We must reclaim the joys of giving and learn to trust, not all at once, but small steps work just as well. Most of all we must delve into what we attract. Are we giving off signs of being needy, simple or super independent? What does our body language convey? Are we putting negative out in the atmosphere with our words? And finally, are we desperate?

Many couples desiring healing in their relationships should take a lesson from the airport baggage checkpoint. Check it in. Leave it there. Be done with it. Begin anew and start with open and honest communication. Or simply try this: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Leslie J. Griffin, a poet, can be reached at igetitwrite@yahoo.com